How DO they deal with that?
by Ruby Raze
Summary: Kagome runs out of...erm... feminine necessities and has to ask Sango for help. Now the question that plagues every woman’s mind: How did they handle that back then?
1. It plagues all womankind!

**How DO they deal with that?**  
  
**Summary:** Kagome runs out of...erm... _feminine_ necessities and has to ask Sango for help. Now the question that plagues every woman's mind: _How did they handle that back then?  
_  
  
  
It was a beautiful spring day. The birds were chirping, the sky was blue, the brooks were babbling, the trees were especially green... you get the point. As I said, it was a beautiful day, but all of that went unnoticed to Kagome.  
  
To her, it might as well be a stormy black day. Each step would send shots of pain up her spine, and a throbbing ache centered in her lower abdomen was especially persistent. Gritting her teeth, she cringed and wished for an extra large bottle of Midol. Yep, you guessed it. THAT time of the month. It was the curse that plagued all of womankind. It was the abomination that... that... plagued womankind. IT WAS WORSE THAN MEN!  
  
Sighing, she continued to trudge on like the trooper she was. She would prevail! She would show Inuyasha! She would... STOP FOR REST!  
  
"Inuyasha!" she called. "Inuyasha!" she called sweetly again even louder when he ignored her. "Don't make me say it fucker!" she screamed in a harsh, deadly voice. Inuyasha shivered at her tone. Mood swings. Who would have guessed sweet Kagome suffered from them?  
  
Leveling a glare my way, she says in a voice of steel, "Fuck off." I shiver, I shake. Damn she's scary. Wait! Why am I scared? I am the all- powerful, mighty authoress! I can make her cramps so bad... not even morphine will help!... oooo. female audience shivers in fear... "Fine, Fine!" she grumbles. Onto the story...  
  
"WHAT?!" he asks rounding on her. "What could you possibly want now? We're five feet from the village!"  
  
Giving Inuyasha a bone-chilling glare, she glared. "SIT!" she growled out as a particularly powerful wave of pain washed over her. "I'm going to the river... DON'T FOLLOW!" she said pointing the last statement towards Miroku. Miroku shivers in fear. Kagome drags Sango away.  
  
AT THE RIVER...  
  
Kagome's is digging through her pack, throwing things all over the riverbank in the process. Most of her torso is buried in the bottomless pit. Screaming in frustration, she pulls herself back out. She has nothing! Turning to Sango, she whimpers and cries.  
  
"I don't have anything!" she cries. "Not even a bottle of Midol!" she sobs. "What do you do when it's THAT time of the month?" she pleads.  
  
Sango sweat drops. How could she answer this question... "Umm... I..."  
  
"OUT WITH IT ALREADY!" she screeched. Testy are we? insert deadly glare  
  
"I... I don't know!" she squeals out in a rush.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"I don't know," she answers embarrassed. Awwe, her cheeks are red. insert yet ANOTHER deadly glare  
  
"And why, pray tell, would you not know?" Kagome asked in a dangerous tone.  
  
"I've never had to deal with that before!"  
  
Kagome face faults. "I won't ask," she said despairingly. "I KNOW!" she said as she brightened. "I'll ASK SESSHOUMARU! He should know! I mean he suffers from male PMS... that should be about the same!"  
  
Now, it's Sango's turn to face fault. "actually... Kagome..." she started.  
  
"OH! I know what you're going to say! I'll go ask Kaede!" she cried.  
  
"... Actually I was going to say 'Why don't you just go through the well?' it is in the next clearing over you know."  
  
The suspense! The drama! Will Kagome make it to the next clearing over?  
  
  
  
**A stupid lil short I wrote on a whim. Bored, suffering. NO MIDOL! Take your wildest guess. Read... Review if you like. shrugs**


	2. So THATS why no one ever takes Miroku up...

_Due to popular demand... I have opted to continue on with this fic!... just be warned I can only write for this one 7 days out of a month.  
  
On to the fic!_  
  
**How DO they deal with that?... take II: So THAT'S why no one ever takes Miroku up on his offers.**  
  
  
  
"... Actually I was going to say 'Why don't you just go through the well?' it is in the next clearing over you know."  
  
Kagome was dumbfounded. She was flabbergasted! How could she have not thought of that?! Looking to her left, truth be told, the well stood proudly in the distance. Proudly it stood! Proudly! Small butterflies... flied, birds sang, the brooks babbled...  
  
"Will you shut the fuck up and get on with the goddamned story already?! Geeze! These cramps don't stop on their own you know!"... I raise an eyebrow. It's an old fashioned standoff. Tumbleweed blows across the desert that appears before us. "Remember and heed my warning..." I say in a creepy, echoy voice.  
  
{Flashback lashback ashback shback hback back ack ck k.}  
  
Leveling a glare my way, she says in a voice of steel, "Fuck off." I shiver, I shake. Damn she's scary. Wait! Why am I scared? I am the all- powerful, mighty authoress! I can make her cramps so bad... not even morphine will help!... oooo. female audience shivers in fear... "Fine, Fine!" she grumbles. Onto the story...  
  
{ K ck ack back hback shback ashback lashback flashback.}  
  
She shivers in fear, sweat rolls down her forehead. "Draw!" someone shouts. BANG! The dust settles. Nothing. Kagome has a heart attack. Everyone sweat drops!... And we're back from our momentary lapse  
  
A rustle is heard in the bushes above the babbling of the brooks. Kagome and Sango turn. Enter Miroku.  
  
"Lady Kagome! You're grievously injured! There is blood running down your legs. I have just the thing to staunch the flow!" he cries as he begins to drop his drawers from under his dress.  
  
His eyebrow ticks. "HELLOO! It's a manly robe!"

"Heloooo... it's purple and it's a dress!"

"Robe!"

"DRESS!"

"ROBE!"  
  
"DRESS!" before he can counter... "If you say robe one more time, the only thing you'll ever be in groping distance of again is a man... and you won't be doing the groping!" I threaten. He shivers! He gulps! He shuts up!  
  
His dress follows his drawers. The girls are too shocked to move. Their eyes zero in on a specific region. Kagome's eyes bug. Sango's eyes bug. They scream.  
  
"AAHHHHH A WORM!!!!"  
  
"GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!"  
  
Miroku looks down. He shrugs. "What can I say... it's cold out."  
  
Kagome pulls out a magnifying glass. "Ewe I think it twitched."  
  
"No that was just the breeze, Kagome"  
  
Miroku tears up. He runs away crying. He is forever ruined.  
  
"So THAT"S why no one ever takes Miroku up on his offers."  
  
They share a good laugh. Cramps are momentarily forgotten. But not for long. Kagome suddenly grits her teeth and doubles over clutching her abdomen. In a great show of will power she slowly straightens. Slowly, ever so slowly. And she's straight. She begins to trudge in the direction of the well.  
  
HALF AN HOUR LATER...  
  
'Trudging. Trudging. Lift foot, put it down in front of self. Keep balance. Steady now. Next foot. Repeat process. Ignore pain. Ignore pain. GAH! It's hurts so bad!!!'  
  
"Midol! Midol" she whimpers as she hits the three foot marker. "Almost there!" she cries. "Seven more feet to go!"  
  
ANOTHER HALF AN HOUR LATER...  
  
'Oh god! I can't make it! I won't make it!'  
  
"Three more feet!" she huffs and puffs.  
  
5 MINUTES AFTER THAT...  
  
"I CAN'T GO ON! I CAN'T GO ON!... Al- almost there! Must continue!"  
  
From out of nowhere a giant paw lands on the well, throwing Kagome back. Looking up at the dog attached to the paw she saw Sesshoumaru. She screamed in frustration.  
  
"What is it you do when stuck by this PMS?" he asks as he transforms into his human form. Kagome sees red. She lunges for sesshoumaru. Her hands are poised for his neck.  
  
OH THE INHUMANITY! Is Kagome's only way to the future and relief really destroyed? SAY IT ISN'T SO!  
  
  
  
_Not as good as the first, I don't think... but I tried to continue with it for ya'll's sakes. Read... review... do as you please. _


	3. Gottchya

_i get the feeling this is gunna suck because i'm not in any kinda pain. read, enjoy, review if you feel the need._

**How DO they deal with that?: Gottchya!**  
  
  
  
"What is it you do when struck by this PMS?" he asks as he transforms into his human form. Kagome sees red. She lunges for Sesshoumaru. Her hands are poised for his neck.  
  
Just as Kagome is about to reach his neck, there is a puff of smoke and the illusion is shattered. The battered and dead well was returned to its' former glory. A picture of Lady Liberty superimposes the well as it returns to its' normal state. That would be, of course, Florida.  
  
"NO! NO! NO!" she cried as she watched the well vanish. you didn't think I'd make it that easy did you? "SHIPPOU!" she screamed. "WHAT DID YOU DO?"  
  
"Umm... oopse!" he replied as he scampered away, Kagome in hot pursuit. "GET BACK HERE RUNT!" she screamed as she charged after Shippou.  
  
"HEY! Since when have Kagome and Inuyasha switched places?" Shippou cries. A pause as the almighty authoress flips through script. "Damnit!... CUT AND REWIND THAT!"...  
  
"What is it you do when struck by this PMS?" he asks as he transforms into his human form. Kagome sees red. She lunges for Sesshoumaru. Her hands are poised for his neck.  
  
"YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH!" she screamed. WHOA THERE! ... easy killer.  
  
"I am no bitch," Sesshoumaru replies as she... umm... HE grabs hold of her wrists. Kagome is face to face with her...erm... HIM! Or rather she's face to chest. WAIT! ... there's something wrong with this chest. THAT'S NOT A MAN! THAT'S A WOMAN BABY!  
  
poke poke... "Umm... Sesshoumaru?... Since when do you have breasts?" Kagome innocently asks as she pokes his D's. At his... her... his glare, she miraculously pulls her wrists out of his grasp and makes a run for it. She's suddenly reminded of Denis Rodman, and has to stop to laugh. With the PURPLE eye shadow, girly face and really long hair... not to mention the latest... eDition... he really looks like a woman now.  
  
"You will die for this now, wench!" sesshoumaru states in his usual boring, sexy, take-me-now-jason, faster-harder-faster, voice. "AH! But Maru-chan, just remember... I AM THE ALMIGHTY AUTHORESS! add well- timed ominous thunder and lightening Just remember I can leave you as a woman! insert evil laugh   
  
Sesshoumaru decides to give chase, and Kagome squeals as she tries to run, laugh and catch her breath. Sesshoumaru stops, Kagome stops, both grab their stomachs and moan as they are struck with the insane, psycho cramps from hell. The illusion flickers, then falls. It's not sesshoumaru, but rather naraku. A grin passes his face as he straightens and grabs Kagome. "Gottchya," he whispered in her ear.


	4. Oh the pain! The pain!

_You know, i'm really surprised by the responce i'm getting for this fic. To be honest, i didn't think anyone would like it. But then again, that's because here at home, people don't take to my twisted kind of humor. THANK YOU TO ALL OF MY REVIEWERS!!! i love you guys. you really inspire me to continue with this one. if it weren't for you guys this would still be a one-shot. _

**How DO they deal with that? IV: "Oh the pain! The pain!"**  
  
  
  
Sesshoumaru decides to give chase, and Kagome squeals as she tries to run, laugh and catch her breath. Sesshoumaru stops, Kagome stops, both grab their stomachs and moan as they are struck with the insane, psycho cramps from hell. The illusion flickers, then falls. It's not sesshoumaru, but rather naraku. A grin passes his face as he straightens and grabs Kagome. "Gottchya," he whispered in her ear.  
  
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ten minutes later ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Talk about delayed reaction Desperately Kagome struggles to get away from devil boy himself, but to no avail. Just when she's about to lose hope, Inuyasha bursts from the tree line.  
  
"Kagome!!!" he calls, but there's something wrong. His voice is off. Almost as if he has a cold... or something. WAIT! DOG DEMONS DON'T GET SICK!!!!!!!!  
  
Enter Myouga!... "Actually that's a rather common misconception. Dog demons, like the common dog are prone to getting diseases such as Rabies, Parvo, Heart Worms, ... Hair balls... no ... wait that's cats... any ways they are prone to a certain number of illnesses..." "DOGS DON"T GET COLDS!!"... "ehem! As I was saying Inuyasha is infact half dog demon, but he is also half human so that thusly makes him vulnerable to colds." .... "Riiiight" -... anyways... back to the story.  
  
Anyways, his voice sounded high pitched... almost like... "SHIPPOU!" and enter the REAL Inuyasha  
  
Inuyasha bursts through the tree line, brandishing her... his phallic symbol. Have you ever noticed that the Tetsusaiga looks kinda like an erect... ehem... I'm rambling again and I'm a desperate virgin. We're back?  
  
Everything goes black  
  
"Kagome!"  
  
"Inuyasha!"  
  
"Inuyasha!"  
  
"AHHH!" note that this is a very high pitched squeal  
  
lights turn back on, but the camera is zoomed in on some unidentifiable object  
  
"Don't stick that there!"  
  
"Inuysaha... NOoooo!"  
  
insert the sounds of a scuffle  
  
"NO! NO! NO! ... ah, ah, ah... YES! ... that's the spot!! YES! Right there!"

"umm... lets pan back the camera... just what I suspected! ... JAKOUTSU! STOP FONDLING INUYASHA'S EARS! ... FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I'M TRYING TO FINISH THIS DAMNED FIC HERE!" pulls out a shotgun, fires high pitched scream "Thank god!" Inuyasha's pouting in the background  
  
"HELLO!! HAS _EVERYONE_ FORGOTTEN ABOUT MY PAIN HERE?" Kagome screams in the background.  
  
no one's listening  
  
"Oh the pain! The pain!"


	5. THE PMS MONSTER! DUN DUN DUN!

_my fans are really my inspiration here! keep up the reviews and i'll keep posting more. NOW FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!_

**How DO they deal with that? V: THE PMS MONSTER! Dun dun dun!**  
  
  
  
"HELLO!! HAS _EVERYONE_ FORGOTTEN ABOUT MY PAIN HERE?" Kagome screams in the background.  
  
no one's listening  
  
"Oh the pain! The pain!"  
  
A shadow looms over Kagome's shoulder. Kagome freezes when she notices. Slowly she turns around to come face to face with... THE PMS MONSTER. DUN DUN DUN!  
  
A gasp and then a shriek is heard. The group looks from the huddle that had currently been fondling Inuyasha's ears and gasp. The females double over in pain. The guys look on in horror. It's so grotesque and the stench was rancid. The demons gagged.  
  
"What IS that thing?"  
  
"I-it's THE PMS MONSTER! DUN DUN DUN!" Sango cries.  
  
They hear Jakotsu screech in the distance. "AHHH! CRAMPS!"  
  
The guys look confused.  
  
"THE PMS MONSTER! DUN DUN DUN! Attacks anything female. Maybe it attacks Jakotsu because he might as well be one."  
  
Sesshoumaru shows up clutching his stomach. "What is the nature of this beast?"  
  
"THEN WHY IS IT ATTACKING SESSHOUMARU?!"  
  
"Ummm... he looks like a girl?" I swear when I first saw Sesshoumaru I thought he was a girl! So you can't really blame THE PMS MONSTER! DUN DUN DUN! For getting confused!   
  
"AH! HELP!"  
  
"WAS THAT KAGOME?"  
  
"DUH JACKASS! WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE?!" she screamed from the monster's slimy clutches.  
  
"I'll save you!"  
  
"Kouga, you bastard! YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF KAGOME!"  
  
"Well you were just sitting there like a LAPDOG!"  
  
"SIT!"  
  
"BWAHAHAHA!"  
  
"You take one more step and I'll purify your ass! ... SANGO! MIROKU! HELP!"  
  
she looks around as she notices neither one is in sight.  
  
"... Sango?... Miroku?"  
  
lets go back five minutes  
  
Sango was leaning up against miroku for support when he gets a devious look, then suddenly cries out in pain. Worriedly sango asks him what's wrong.  
  
"Sango," he said, clutching his cursed hand, "my curse, I can feel it growing by the second. I need your help."  
  
"ANYTHING!"  
  
"Sango, I wouldn't normally ask this of you, but now I feel I must. If I don't get treatment within the hour I will surely die of this curse. It grows... more painful. Oh gods, it's so hard. It's stretching."  
  
"OH gods! MIROKU! Don't die on me!"  
  
"Sango, come with me into the woods where you can administer my treatment."

back in the present  
  
"AHHHH!!!!! A WORM!!!!!" 


	6. THE WORM!

_hey all, this is the last chapter to the How DO they deal with that? story. read, enjoy, review if you feel the need to protest._

**How DO they deal with that? VI: THE WORM!**  
  
During the five minutes ago, that was five minutes ago  
  
It has arisen. The beast has risen from its shadowy slumber to mingle with the hapless denizens of the waking world. It arises with a vengance. Hastily it arises. Only to fall back down, one should not move too quickly after half a century's sleep. It arises once more and cackles evilly. It passes back out.  
  
back in the present  
  
"AHHHH!!!!! A WORM!!!!!"  
  
Kagome goes pale. She's hit with a sudden flashback.  
  
Flashback lashback ashback shback hback back ack ck k  
  
His dress follows his drawers. The girls are too shocked to move. Their eyes zero in on a specific region. Kagome's eyes bug. Sango's eyes bug. They scream.  
  
"AAHHHHH A WORM!!!!"  
  
"GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!"  
  
Miroku looks down. He shrugs. "What can I say... it's cold out."  
  
Kagome pulls out a magnifying glass. "Ewe I think it twitched."  
  
"No that was just the breeze, Kagome"  
  
Miroku tears up. He runs away crying. He is forever ruined.  
  
"So THAT"S why no one ever takes Miroku up on his offers."  
  
k ck ack back hback shback ashback lashback flashback  
  
She screams. The thought of poor sango's fate is just too horrible! It was a miracle they had faced such a site and lived, but to view it twice in one lifetime let alone one day could prove fatal to her demon-exterminating friend!  
  
Another scream echos throughout the clearing.  
  
"OH MY GODS! IT'S HUGE!"  
  
insert the sounds of rustling bushes  
  
"HEY! GET THAT OUT OF THERE! THAT HURTS YOU KNOW!"  
  
insert the sound of a smack  
  
... silence.  
  
Everyone runs towards the sounds of the screams to see a site so shocking, it was shocking. Even jakotsu was shocked into being shocked! It was shocking!  
  
note that I was gunna leave off here, but I'm filled with too much inspiration on this boring day  
  
he had never seen one bigger! Jakotsu took a step forward, eager to get in on the action. Oh how he would love to tackle something that BIG! It had been a while, and he was getting excited.  
  
Pulling out his sword, he happily sliced away at the giant slug demon as it made another pass at Miroku. It would seem this particular demon was gay. The demon turned to see Jakotsu and immediately had stars in its' eyes. Little hearts floated around it's head.  
  
insert sappy music from cheesy chick flic  
  
Jakotsu also has stars in his eyes and hearts floating around his head.  
  
"HELLOOO!!!!! HAS EVERYONE FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME HERE!!!! STILL IN CLUTCHES OF EVIL PMS MONSTER! DUN DUN DUN!"  
  
once again... ignored. Kagome over-dramatizes things anyways.  
  
**THE END**  
  
_if you review enough I might do a sequal!_


End file.
